Goosebumps Thinking Of Your First Love
Darn that first love, why so pure? Why majestic? Why does it still affect me? Why do I still miss that innocence of unsaid words in my life? Why?Like most of you, my first love isn’t with me now not because we split or something but because we could never express it to each other. I loved him like crazy and now I know that he loved me too. No kidding, his best friend told me and even after so many years knowing this fact did bring a tear to my eye.
Back then it wasn’t definitely my ego that stopped me from expressing it to him but it was the fear of not being sure about his feelings at that time. I was in a state of mind where I didn’t want to lose him at any point of time in my life, I was happy with the friendly flirty not-so-implicit unsaid relationship we had. Although we were never officially committed or anything but I still like calling it my first relationship because of he bond that we shared.
Ours was the usual teenage love where his friends called out his name when I was crossed by and vice versa. We played games calculating our love compatibility with each other. He used to stare at me like an idiot in front of the whole class and secretly kept chocolates under my desk for no apparent occasion. We used to remain glued to the landline phones for hours talking about every god damn thing in this world.He used to tell his mom to pack my favorite food for lunch and I used to barter it for my mom’s best lunch recipes.
He used to walk me home everyday after school and I helped with his homework after class.He used write for me, his passionate writings used to literally lift my feet of the ground and made me crazier for him. I still read his blog occasionally. Our loving saga came to an end when we passed school, got involved in our lives, took different carrier options and moved to different cities. We still talked on the phone for sometime after that but then we got into other people and moved on.
Interestingly I have moved on in life from a lot of relationships but then this unsaid relationship was definitely one of my favorite love stories from my book of life. Obviously I don’t think of him every time or I don’t miss him being around but sometimes random events do take me back to him. There are times when I end up smiling listening to a random song that we used to sing together.
Sometimes a romantic song reminds me of the tunes we danced to in the annual function or a movie we watched together. It is not only me who goes through all of this. I am pretty sure it happens to him too. Every year on my birthday he still comments on the same Facebook post that he wrote for me five years back and takes me down the memory lane.
I think this is the beauty of first love, no matter if you are with your first love today or not, that person will always hold a special place in your heart because that person was the seed for springing up of emotions in you system. This is the person you first introduced cupid to. This person has in some way or the other shaped you and your opinions about life.
You don’t make the same mistakes that you made, at least some innovative fellows like me try to make some new ones every time. As a matter of fact every guy I have been with in life was at some point or the other compared to him, sometimes for the choice of food, sometimes for the way of talking and a million other things.
I wish I would have had the courage to tell it to him then, tell him how much I loved him, and who knows we might have been together. It would have been a perfect love story where lovers from mid-school spend their lives together, make babies and live happily ever after.
Today I am with someone who I am sure loves me a lot but then deep down within some corner of my heart still longs for my first love. Do you feel the same way as I do? Do you?
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